Earliest Post-Crash Memories

I have no idea how long I was unconscious (or if I still was), but I  seemingly reawakened from a black void to an infinite expanse of space. If it was a dream, it was an unusually memorable and lucid one, but unlike in a typical lucid dream I wasn’t able to alter my environment. Though initially confused, for I had no idea how or why I was there, I felt deep serenity and contentment. I also sensed a benevolent presence but could see no one around nor could I detect a physical body of my own for that matter. Not long after that realization, the stillness and darkness morphed into motion and light detected through the vibrations of the surface I was on and lights bright enough to sense through my eyelids. It was a struggle to open my eyes and could do so only briefly, but it allowed me to confirm that I was indeed on a gurney moving under ceiling lights and surrounded by a group of doctors and/or nurses.

As my hearing returned at the same time, I caught them mid-conversation. I couldn’t make out the words exchanged over the noise of the gurney and medical equipment and also because my hearing seemed impaired, giving sounds a muffled and distant quality. However, the speed and tone of the voices gave the impression they were deeply concerned. This unsettled me to put it mildly and I wondered what had happened and if my wife Danielle was alive and well. I realized I had no recollection of whatever caused me to be here or even of the past few days. I remember wanting to show the doctors and nurses I was conscious by attempting to move but after much effort gave up. I assumed my immobility was due to being strapped to the gurney and blacked out soon after.

A New Beginning

On April 5 2024 I was in a bicycle crash while commuting to work. I sustained catastrophic injuries causing paralysis below my shoulders. I was only able to survive due to spinal cord surgery. Given the sudden and extreme disruption to every facet of my life, there have been times when I wished the surgery never happened. However, over time I’ve accepted my fate and have become more driven to survive by those I love.

After months of healing and rehabilitation (and with the help of adaptive technology) I feel ready to blog again. My intention is to use this platform to process my thoughts on the trauma I’ve lived through and still-unreal situation I continue to experience. Though my personal struggles are of little significance compared to geopolitical developments such as the Gaza genocide, Ukraine proxy war, multiple nations on the verge of economic collapse, and the most demoralizing and dysfunctional US presidential campaign season (so far), there are connections which I plan to elaborate on in future posts. In the meantime, you can read more details about what I went through on my fundraising site here: https://helphopelive.org/campaign/24110/