Surrendering to Reality

When I woke up with the full realization that I was paralyzed, my mind was deluged with questions, speculations, fears and regrets. Judging from the faint light though window blinds, it was still early dawn. I was relieved no one else was in the room because I needed time alone to think.

One of the earliest and most reoccurring thoughts was simply why? I felt the more literal and simplistic answers such as bad luck or bad choices the least satisfying and hardest to accept, and turned my attention towards religion. I wasn’t a deeply religious person before the crash but did hold some hope for the existence of karma. But it’s easier to understand in the abstract how one’s circumstances could be the result of actions in a past life or how current actions affect future incarnations. When one suddenly becomes quadriplegic, such knowledge is of little comfort though it did provide an explanation.

Were I Christian I’d probably want to believe god works in mysterious ways or that my catastrophic injury was part of a master plan. Conversely, I could imagine becoming so disillusioned that I rejected my faith and now characterized god as cruel or indifferent. But if by some miracle I was completely healed, then god would once again be loving and merciful. Recognizing the futility of such magical thinking, I found it comforting nevertheless. I visualized being back home as if my life had never been disrupted. Perhaps that was my reality in an alternate timeline or parallel universe? As much as I wanted to escape into fantasy, I knew I had to focus on the present.

No matter how I felt about my situation, the reality is that it happened and there might not be a satisfying explanation. I could relate to existentialists who, after confronting the incomprehensible nature of existence, sought to create their own meaning. I was also more inclined to believe in the Gnostic concept of a malicious demiurge as creator of a corrupted material world. As hard as it might be to accept, the universe is chaotic and owes us nothing.

Saturday Matinee: La Haine

La Haine: So Far, So Good

By Ana Saplala

Source: Medium

With Les Miserables signalling Ladj Ly’s rise to recognition in contemporary French cinema, one simply cannot watch the director’s debut film without bringing to mind its predecessor — a film that not only broadened its examination of racial tensions in France, but would come (and continue to) define the country’s prevalence with race relations to this day.

La Haine is the film in question, as Mathieu Kassovitz’s 1995 debut became a nationwide success. The dialectics of Ladj Ly’s Cesar win for Best Film reflect this, given that Kassovitz achieved the same feat 25 years prior. The result would not only cement his debut in film history, but further accentuate the undoubted declaration of La Haine as one of the most prolific French films of all time.

While clearly drawing inspiration from the likes of Ernest Dickerson and Spike Lee, La Haine remains difficult to categorize, but also inseparable from its influences. This is due to Kassovitz’s work being deeply ingrained with its own share of sociopolitical messages, whose prevalence with current events keeps it closely linked to any discourse related to the film.

Unlike films of a similar nature, specifically Do The Right Thing, La Haine does not attempt to intertwine the stories of humans who function as several moving parts of Parisian banlieue (suburbs) as a whole. Rather, it focuses on Vinz (Vincent Cassel), Said (Said Taghmaoui), and Hubert (Hubert Kounde), three adolescent boys and residents of said setting who go about their day. Because of its near abandonment of plot, the film initially presents itself as a reflective lamenting of grievance. The actuality of Abdel’s death opens and looms over the majority of the film, quickly becoming the driving force of its characters’ intentions.

The lines between cause and effect constantly blur from one vignette to the next, as the film’s plot slowly races to its unexpected finishing crescendo, or should I say derescendo, given that the film’s actual standstill does not even come in the form of its mostly mundane happenings. Despite this, these happenings still manage to show us more than several glimpses of life in the banlieues. In fact, the only difference between the film’s depiction of police reinforcement to the present day is a jarring increase in police hostility (first shown in Wesh Wesh, Qu’est-ce qui c’est passe?, then rehashed in Les Mis).

As a result, the film’s plot moves towards its ending with no checkpoints in between. Its brilliant performances are briefly forgotten once the banlieues’ cultural equilibrium (despite the actual absence of unity due to class circumstance and police presence) is shattered. With this in mind, the best way to describe the chronicling of these events is as follows: the build-up doesn’t matter as much as the result itself.

Another element that this film brilliantly uses in executing a correlation between plot and character development is tension. Its simplistic premise is cemented in both the value of time and the counterproductive reality of choosing violence. Time punctures all minor wounds caused by each subsequent event, putting each character at a risk of surviving a long and winding evening — but especially Vinz.

Time’s transformative effect on La Haine’s scenes instills the stagnance of progression, as well as giving urgency to Vinz’s constantly violent tendencies in the midst of composing events. It can be likened to Tupac’s Bishop from Ernest Dickerson’s Juice, given that their intentions appear to be inherently violent and remain impassioned within violence as an objective solution. This projects their idea of violence as an act of reclaiming power and restoring justice. However, as a result of time being an all-encompassing element of the film, it poses the potential for these tendencies to seep into reality at any given moment.

The film manages a passage of time with the simple use of timestamps and the sound of a ticking clock, indicating that time is like a ticking bomb that only continues to pass with each inconsequential event. Oftentimes, we believe that time has run out whenever characters face consequences in this film, but it only adds to the fact that time can do no more than elapse. Time seems to stop when Said is arrested, but it continues even when he is released. Time seems to stop when Vinz begins seeing visions of a cow, but it continues even when Said pulls him away. They further accentuate the meaninglessness of scenes, dismissing the possibility of characters working against the worst imaginable circumstance, and ultimately coming to the somber realization that all these three boys have been doing was waste time.

An undoubtedly significant theme of this film is centered on cultural identity, given that three of France’s most marginalized backgrounds (Black, Jewish, and Arab) are represented through its trio of individual characters. Because France’s white predominance does not vindicate those groups as authentic representations of national identity, this manages to cause the most friction amongst two separate parts of French society. This also includes visible minorities in positions of authority serving to practically betray the safety of their own culture.

Much like housing projects in major American cities like New York, the culture of les banlieues is also in alignment with what isn’t considered as pure French. As a part of showcasing insignificant events, there remains the background significance of the banlieues’ cultural mosaic; a true passport to surroundings that are more otherworldly and intersectional than the iconoclastic capital housing the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre. This leaves a profound impact on the characters’ conversations and language, both of which only continue to return to a means of getting by. An emerging French identity is formed in front of us, and this fusion of cultures can be largely attested to its use of hip-hop music and its incorporation of hip-hop culture.

Hip-hop’s significance is especially given its due and proof on an international scale, and La Haine is this American genre’s earliest example. This is also proof of the benefit of arguing that a musical genre and culture made by and for minority communities is the most universal of its kind. To add onto this, the globalization of hip-hop would truly come to fruition by the late 90s, and France’s scene would eventually receive recognition through the likes of Assassin and Supreme NTM. No genre remains more fitting for Kassovitz’s debut, as these groups also share inherently sociopolitical themes within their music.

It comes as no surprise either that La Haine’s influence is inherently American despite still being ingrained in French culture. The likes of Brian de Palma, Gordon Parks, and Martin Scorsese also come to mind, given that New Hollywood cinema seems to stay more true to the middle-to-lower-class French experience than the works of Robert Bresson, Claude Sautet, and Francois Truffaut.

Perhaps the only exceptions to the rule would be the forerunners of the 80s cinema du look, whose stylistic influences also extended to American cinema. Then again, only a select few in les banlieues could truly relate to a Subway, or a Diva, or a Mauvais Sang. These filmic fantasies still remain largely out of reach to the experiences of those living on the fringes of the era’s sprawling city settings.

La Haine comfortably splits its plot in two, shifting from suburban homeliness to the uncanny city. This is also why the film’s second half reflects the indiscernible identity of Parisian life, which only seems to take on many faces (and phases) on screen. Here, Kassovitz shows Paris as bare and devoid of the ethnic intersectionalism of its suburban outskirts. There’s an increasing sense of discomfort once these characters step out of a melting pot and into a homogenous place of lifelessness. Paris’s identity is as conflicted as its hesitance to embrace its characters. One scene shows the trio loitering at an exhibit, only for its highbrow bourgeoisie to oust them from a gallery. Its reality only contradicts the seemingly welcoming feeling that defines Paris as a cityscape and hegemonic extension of movie magic.

Overall, La Haine does not merely grieve over the disturbing normalcy of police brutality, but stands as a grievance of French society’s oppression towards its increasingly minority population. Its end result is an eruption to the most gradual anticipation that dominates the film, and it proves that the most profound influence on our identities lies within our surroundings. Its loss of control does not happen through an individually caused circumstance, but the reaction of an external force towards its inhabitants that becomes the film’s penultimate decision, its ultimatum literally shrouded in the ambiguity that continues to paint a sombering portrait of an unchanged reality.

Its structure continues to pose the same questions to all of French society: Who controls our own lives if we do not? And even then, is this world truly ours to begin with?

I could ask the same question of every racially counterproductive society at the moment, but especially France’s, whose innovations in film do not necessarily account for the lack thereof in every other facet of society. Where their movies are more than four miles ahead, their definition of personal and political authority remains centuries back.

Hatred begets more hatred, as Hubert says in this film, and it is one’s hatred that begets the film’s destruction of temporary unity. The beginning reemerges, and all progress is forgotten. That how you fall doesn’t matter. It’s how you land. This is what makes La Haine a cinematic masterpiece.


Watch La Haine on Kanopy here: https://www.kanopy.com/en/product/214683

From Dream to Nightmare

Upon waking up at the Neuro ICU, I rested for some time with my eyes closed. I noticed an odd sensation of movement despite not hearing or feeling wind and vibrations which would indicate movement. What I did feel was my arms hugging my chest tightly as if in a straight jacket, though the material felt more like a rubbery mesh than cloth. Meanwhile a nearby machine produced a steady hiss similar to an air pump roughly synchronized with my breathing patterns.

Disturbed by everything I was sensing, I reluctantly opened my eyes to a dark room bathed in a dim green and purple glow from various monitoring devices. As my vision adjusted, I craned my neck and realized my arms were both flat on each side of my torso and I was wearing a standard hospital gown. I also glimpsed various tubes all over my body. An IV in my right arm, some type of nose tube, and a breathing tube connected to a ventilator.

My first instinct was to attempt to go back to sleep, hoping what I was experiencing was sleep paralysis or a false awakening within a nightmare. This proved to be futile, as my mind struggled to reconcile the disconnect with my body. One likely factor was medication, as the initial feeling of movement while awakening was similar to the feeling of heavy drunkenness. As for the illusory straight jacket, the only theory I could come up with was that it was some form of phantom limb syndrome. I struggled to move phantom limbs and “actual” limbs to no avail. At that moment I wasn’t experiencing phantom leg limbs but nevertheless could not move my legs or any part of my body below the shoulders nor could I talk.

With that realization I felt like crying but was perhaps too much in shock to do so. I also may have held out hope that I was still in a bad dream and that when I actually woke I would be back to my normal self. I was definitely in a nightmare, but not the type one can wake up from, though I did grant myself a brief respite by eventually falling back to sleep.

Half-Awake In the Dream

After losing consciousness during transport, my memories became increasingly fragmented and “impressionistic”, most likely a side effect of strong medication. This roughly coincided with my stay in the Harborview Trauma ICU which was about a week after being admitted to ER, though subjectively it felt more like a month.

Since talking to my wife about my hospitalization, I realize there were times when I was conscious enough to answer questions, yet had no recollection despite remembering things earlier in the chronology. Odder still, some of what I did recall was in a liminal state between dream and waking life.

As if my mind was attempting to reset to the morning of the crash, it placed me in an “alternate reality” version in which I arrived at work like usual and promptly started the daily routine at my workspace. Suddenly I was back on the gurney and being wheeled out of the work area and through a sub-basement corridor I had never seen before. Through dream logic architecture I ended up at the UW Medical Center ER. I recognized one of the nurses as a former co-worker and realized even within the dream that it made no sense since she was a senior lab tech at the UWMC clinical lab. I speculated that one of the “actual” nurses had a voice similar to my co-worker’s, causing my mind to actually see her as that person.

I was next transported to the Harborview Trauma ICU (partly via light rail!), which I must have realized was where I “actually” was either consciously or subconsciously. At that point my experience took a paranoid turn as I began to suspect nurses and assistants were skimming my medications for personal use. Within the dream state I passed out and reawakened in a fantastical ICU bathed in a hazy white glow. I somehow got the notion this was at a sprawling new hospital connecting the Northgate light rail station to the nearby library.

It was at this imaginary location where I realized I was being visited by my wife as well as parents and brother from Hawaii. Somehow I knew this aspect of the pseudo-dream was “real” and not in the spirit realm and was glad they were alive and well, though I could tell they were shaken to see the state I was in. It seemed I wasn’t conscious for long, and had several other interactions with family before waking in a more lucid state at Harborview’s Neuro ICU.

Saturday Matinee: Kin-dza-dza!

In praise of Kin-dza-dza! – the best sci-fi film you’ve never heard of


Mad Max meets Monty Python is the best way of describing this strange Soviet gem.

By Joel Blackledge

Source: Little White Lies

Originally released in 1986, Georgiy Daneliya’s Kin-dza-dza! is possibly the most underrated science fiction film of the past 50 years. A Soviet space odyssey across an alien landscape, it is packed with comic nuance and absurdist charm, yet it is rarely screened or even seen outside Russia. With 2016 marking its 30th anniversary, this deadpan oddity deserves a reappraisal for its wit, imagination and stunning design.

The story begins with Vladimir, a Moscow construction worker, popping out for some macaroni. He is stopped in the street by Gedevan, a young student who needs help with a seemingly insane man claiming to be on the wrong planet. The man needs Earth’s coordinates so he can use his teleportation device to go home. Impatiently humouring him, Vladimir presses a button on the device. Instantly, he and Gedevan are transported to the desert planet Pluke in the galaxy of Kin-dza-dza.

Before long, they meet Bi and Wef, two wandering performers whose speech is largely limited to the word ‘koo’ or its vulgar equivalent ‘kyu’. The Earthlings haggle over the terms of their rescue, though the performers are loath to give something for nothing. Just as the performers are about to leave, they notice that Vladimir has a box of matches – one of the most valuable commodities on Pluke. The four establish a shaky alliance and set in off in a ramshackle aircraft to find a way back to Earth. Vladimir and Gedevan discover that the entire planet operates on a ruthless economy of scavenger barter, and nothing is off limits to the market. The deserts were once seas, but the water was greedily converted into engine fuel. Of course, now the only way to collect drinking water is to extract it back from that fuel.

Kin-dza-dza!’s salvage punk aesthetic – which might best be described as Mad Max meets Monty Python by way of Tarkovsky – hints at this rich, tragic and very stupid history. A collapsed Ferris wheel provides a home for destitute desert dwellers. Graves are marked by balloons containing the deceased’s final breath. The colour of your trousers signifies social status, so they are powerful barter items.

The planet’s inhabitants are primitive in their hardheartedness, yet they also fiercely insist upon maintaining arbitrary social conventions. People are separated into two castes: “Chatlian” and “Patsak”. The subordinate Patsaks must wear bells on their noses and squat before Chatlians. The only way to determine if an individual is a Patsak or a Chatlian is to see if a purpose-built machine emits a green or orange light when pointed at them. The Earthling visitors decry this as racism of the most inane kind, but Plukanians fail to see the problem. When Bi asks with genuine puzzlement how people on Earth determine who is subservient to whom, Vladimir dryly responds, ‘Oh, just by eye.’ Hearing this, Wef dismisses Earthlings as savages. Advanced technology does not a civilised culture make.

What elevates Kin-dza-dza! beyond a simple procession of snipes is the careful attention paid to countless details within its alien world. Even Giya Kancheli’s comic score sounds like it’s from another world – an ungainly, melancholic dirge that conjures up the hopeless bafflement of absurdism. All of this rich world building puts the film into a literary branch of satirical sci-fi occupied by the likes of Kurt Vonnegut, Douglas Adams, and even Franz Kafka. There is no convoluted plot, but instead a convoluted universe, and its incredulous victims ready to point out the farcicality therein. They find a planet that demands a mix of callous entrepreneurial savvy and fearful deference to the status quo familiar to any Earthling living in the 21st century.

Kin-dza-dza!’s sideways look at the barbarities of everyday oppression remains pertinent 30 years on. It’s a must-see for anyone interested in the cosmic potentials of science fiction.


Watch Kin-dza-dza! on Kanopy here: https://www.kanopy.com/en/product/14715372

Earliest Post-Crash Memories

I have no idea how long I was unconscious (or if I still was), but I  seemingly reawakened from a black void to an infinite expanse of space. If it was a dream, it was an unusually memorable and lucid one, but unlike in a typical lucid dream I wasn’t able to alter my environment. Though initially confused, for I had no idea how or why I was there, I felt deep serenity and contentment. I also sensed a benevolent presence but could see no one around nor could I detect a physical body of my own for that matter. Not long after that realization, the stillness and darkness morphed into motion and light detected through the vibrations of the surface I was on and lights bright enough to sense through my eyelids. It was a struggle to open my eyes and could do so only briefly, but it allowed me to confirm that I was indeed on a gurney moving under ceiling lights and surrounded by a group of doctors and/or nurses.

As my hearing returned at the same time, I caught them mid-conversation. I couldn’t make out the words exchanged over the noise of the gurney and medical equipment and also because my hearing seemed impaired, giving sounds a muffled and distant quality. However, the speed and tone of the voices gave the impression they were deeply concerned. This unsettled me to put it mildly and I wondered what had happened and if my wife Danielle was alive and well. I realized I had no recollection of whatever caused me to be here or even of the past few days. I remember wanting to show the doctors and nurses I was conscious by attempting to move but after much effort gave up. I assumed my immobility was due to being strapped to the gurney and blacked out soon after.