By Daniel Hopsicker
Primaries polished off, the Democratic National Committee has apparently decided to pop over to swinging London on holiday. Because what’s happening right now in Great Britain explains how Bernie Sanders somehow “lost” the California Democratic primary to a candidate who couldn’t fill a high school auditorium there without trucking in busloads of middle-aged white women wearing boxy pantsuits and smug smiles.
What’s happening in London puts what happened in California in the context of globalization.
Voting in the “Brisket” Referendum
They were voting on “Brisket,” the surprisingly highly-contested election about choosing the Best BBQ in the UK.
In the end, newspaper columnists were shocked by the voter’s bad taste. Members of the commentariat were said to be absolutely appalled, especially at a few sneers and dirty looks conflated into a rise in racist and anti-immigrant hate crimes, like the non-existent chairs that weren’t thrown after the Nevada Democratic convention.
Disinformation acknowledges no borders, knows no terrestrial bounds!
“The Brexit vote has precipitated the deepest political crisis in Britain in a generation. The nation is divided and the climate is lurching dangerously towards the far right. At this critical moment for the future of the country, the Blairites have opportunistically mounted an anti-Corbyn coup. They have been incubating this coup from day one despite Corbyn’s overwhelming mandate.”
Some guy Americans have never heard of—or if they’ve heard of him don’t know how to pronounce his name— named Jeremy Corbyn, head of the Labor Party (only they spell it “Labour,” like teen-aged girls spelling their names cute: “That Cyndy! She’s special!”
Dozens of Labour Members of Parliament (confusing, don’t they know “MP’” stands for Military Police?) want this Corbyn guy to resign.
It seems they never liked him from the get-go, and would have shrugged him off long before now, except he won a massive victory from the Party’s rank-and-file in an election.
I thought, OMG! He’s just like Bernie!
And that’s when everything began to make sense.
The ‘objective correlative’
Remember how just after the California primary everything looked very “Through the Looking Glass? Remember? Bernie Sanders drawing monster crowds all up and down California… and then going on to “defeat” in the Democratic Presidential primary?
Losing to a candidate who couldn’t fill a third-grade classroom without sprinkling the crowd with California Democratic officials?
Sure ya do, mate.
“Mister Peabody Almost Goes to Washington”
We’ve all seen the movie. A candidate barnstorms across the state. Draws multitudes. Enthusiastic slogans chanted all around.
Election night is always the next scene in the montage. Basking in the approval of an excited crowd at a victory party roaring in celebration. The candidate waves for quiet (who are they kidding? Everyone knows they don’t mean it.)
But not this time. Not in California. Lucy picked up the football, took it home. It was DEFLATE-GATE writ large.
Romeo wakes up, sees Juliet dead, tears all around.
Many thought, “I must be dreamin’. This can’t be real.” Because there was no “objective correlative” to help bring sense to the experience. No recognizable human moment, as in “Romeo wakes up, sees Juliet dead, tears all around.”
On Youtube, a baby struggles to stand; we all smile. Watch a toddler stumble across a room, swaying side to side like a drunk on a gambling cruise unexpectedly caught in high seas.
We silently urge the drooling little thing on. “Trust your tiny gyroscope, diapered one. In your forehead. Behind your Third Eye.”
There was no recognizable human moment in California, nor many of the other Democratic primaries.
Just a sinking feeling that—once again—we’ve been had.
Hey! That sinking feeling! Stay outta London
But the jury’s still out on London.
“A massive show of support for Jeremy Corbyn has left the coup coalition of media pundits and disgruntled MPs with their jaws to the floor. With only 24 hours notice, over 10,000 people marched on parliament square to reinforce the Labour leader’s unprecedented democratic mandate.”
Being Britain, things quickly got snarky.
We wish them well. They’re a plucky bunch. Some have even had their lips surgically removed, which must be a pretty painful procedure.